Getting Through Divorce

Divorces are becoming increasingly common in the society today. It is approximated that in the year 2012, the National Vital Statistics System registered a number of divorce cases in the U.S alone to be 851,000. This number is alarmingly increasing on a yearly basis. Divorce refers to the legal termination of a union between two married couple as per the laws and regulation of a given country. Clark-Stewart et. al (2006) observes that in the past, divorce was a "personal decision determined by an individual, not by religion or the law". Usually, a marital union is implemented when the both parties involved in the marriage have a mutual consent for such.  This paper, therefore, seeks to discuss a case of a divorce, how it was successfully resolved. Further, the paper will refer to published research on the solution to divorce cases and how it relates to the discussed case.

The Johns are our family neighbors. Additionally, The Johns are our family friends. However, the marriage between John and his wife Mary has suffered a divorce threat in the past, which took a lot of effort and commitment by both parties and the family friends to ensure that the family is restored. It should be noted that the love, a definitive factor in the family, was not lacking in the family, family time was lacking. Given that John and Mary are a working class family who has one child, Jane, the parenting stage turned out to be one of the most difficult stages that the family has ever faced. Parenting requires a total commitment by both unifying family figures. Additionally, it requires a financial commitment for the child's education and personal needs of both all the family members. Usually, a family breaks up during a parental stage yields a tremendous influence and effect to the child’s life. Fortunately, Jane was not affected as her parents were able to fix the family issues before an eminent divorce.

During the parenting stage, Mary felt that John had abandoned his parental responsibilities, given that he always came home late from work. Additionally, Mary felt that John was not committing enough time for the family like he used to in the past. On the other hand, John felt that Mary's love was all focused on the child and that her care for him has significantly diminished and increasingly reducing over time. What both of them did not realize is that communication between them was inadequate. If they had both openly aired their feelings and views to each other, chances are that they would have found a solution sufficient to mend the breaking family.

To find a solution, both of them independently visited family counselors, who provided recommendations for them to implement in order to restore the initial family status. One of the recommendations was that for the family to seek advice from family friends to frequently and openly communicate with each other and to periodically go have an adequate family time, especially during the weekends. Eventually, their implementation of these recommendations successfully enabled them to get through their divorce. Jane is faring well in her studies, knowing that she has the attention and the support of both parents. Also, Jane is happy that John spends more time with the family. On the other hand, John is glad that the frequent communication during the family time has led to more understanding of her wife and the family as a whole.

The Johns family case shows the major challenges faced by many families during the parenting stage of marriage today. The parenting stage is composed of numerous sub-stages. The initial sub-stages include the pregnancy, nurturing, and the authoritative stage. Other sub-stages occurring later in the parenting stage of the family life cycle include authoritative, interpretive and finally interdependent stage, where parents involve a child in the decision-making process in the family.

During the child pregnancy period, the parents in the family have an obligation of preparation for the imminent changes. The mere fact that they made a decision to have a child in their life is enough to make each of them to take the subsequent responsibilities. Frequent communication between both parties is a recommendation for this sub-stage so that the future parents can be able to discuss the future needs of their child. The actions and behavior at this stage determine the future health of the family, thus proper attention to the family needs should be a priority for both parties (Gladding, 2011). In the case of The Johns, there is a high possibility that the initial crumbling of the family occurred at this stage. This is evident from the witnessed lack of communication, leading to the uncertainties of the future of the family. Additionally, there is a probability that John was not psychologically prepared for parenting, communication and more family time should have revealed this earlier.

The subsequent stage is the baby nurturing, which involves both parents bonding with the newest member of the family. This is a common occurrence when both parties to the marriage spend enough time with the family. The possible lack of balance between workplace and family time in John’s Family led Mary into feeling that John shows a minimal level of concern in the family affairs thus the threat of divorce. On the other hand, John unknowingly failed to bond with the child hence the observable lack of urge to spend more time with the family, thus the overall deterioration of the family health that prompted a possible divorce.

A father figure is crucial especially during the stages where the child is growing. During authoritative sub-stage of the family cycle, the parents in an ideal family have a responsibility of providing guidance and instilling discipline to the child. It is possible that Mary’s feared the future of the child as John was mostly missing to provide guidance to the child. Therefore, there is likelihood that Mary viewed a divorce as a gateway that will liberate her to find another fatherly figure that will not abandon his parental responsibilities as John did.

Berberis (2013) argues that challenges of parenting are increasingly becoming common, given the increased work demands and the overall inclusivity of the women in the workplace. In the past, most of the women were housewives and thus specifically responsible for bringing up the child. In recent times, the female empowerment has led to the overall inclusivity of women in the workplaces as well as men. In an industrialized world, both parents are working class, thus most of their time is dedicated to the workplace. Eventually, this worsens the situation of their parenting stage.

In conclusion, communication plays an important role in determining the strength and the overall health of any given family. Additionally, both parents should dedicate enough time for family in order to ensure that there is adequacy in the balance between family matters and work. Regular family vacations are highly recommended by family counselors as a crucial means of to ensure the sustenance of a family bond.

References

Barberis, P., & Petrakis, S. (2013). Parenting: Challenges, practices, and cultural influences. Hauppauge, N.Y: Nova Science Publishers, Inc.

Clarke-Stewart, A., & Brentano, C. (2006). Divorce: Causes and consequences. New Haven [Conn.: Yale University Press.

Gladding, S. T. (2011). Family therapy: History, theory, and practice. Boston: Prentice Hall.